The Rude Hamptons - Tales of People Behaving Badly In Long Island’s Summer Playground

This is personal post from me, The Editor, regarding rude corporate behavior on the Amagansett beaches.

On June 2nd a Ralph Lauren cologne related entity setup for a photo shoot on an Amagansett beach. On this same beach there also happened to be 6 pairs of Piping Plovers nesting.

Piping Plovers are a protected species. There are fences around their nesting areas, fireworks are canceled and rescheduled to avoid bothering them. Ralph Lauren proceeded to setup extremely close to the birds’ nesting areas with a large tent structure.

Worse than that though, six Land Rovers were seen speeding up and down the beach. Newspaper articles quote that they were doing 50 miles per hour.

Irregardless of whether they really were going 50, the speed limit on the beaches is 15 miles per hour.

There was also a lack of required permits- no permit for the beach and no permit for filming. They did have a fire permit for the tent. (Source: East Hampton Star)

To top it off, there are now apparently only three pairs left.  The aggressive driving and tent structures scared off the other three.

Locals are upset, the Town Trustees want action taken against Ralph Lauren. The federal and state officials don’t seem to want to do ANYTHING.

Even if the state and federal governments don’t do a thing, Ralph Lauren should repent and give a sizable donation to one of the many nature preservation organizations on the East End.

If you want send an email to their customer service department and let them know your thoughts - CustomerAssistance@RalphLauren.com

- The Editor

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I was in the Candy Kitchen politely waiting for a booth or counter spot. Needless to say an older woman jumped the line and ordered a cup of coffee.

While I was still in shock over the blatant disregard for the social order of the eatery, she pulled a muffin out of her pocket and asked if they could toast it for her.

- Stunned and still waiting in line

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Ah yes, that lovely time of year we call Memorial Day is once again upon us. Here are some lovely tips to our day trippers, weekenders, three or four monthers, etc, as this time of year can surely become rather dangerous to anyone and everyone.

Tip One:

Summer, when a Sunday drive before church becomes an adrenaline-fueled game of chicken with 3-50 bicyclists, riding side by side down our scenic “country” roads. Wearing unflatteringly tight spandex of a plethora of clashing fluorescent epilepsy-inducing colors, they have a tendency to dive in and out of oncoming traffic like crazed deer at the sight of headlights. That double yellow line running down the middle of the road is not intended as a bicycle lane, my friend, and those loud greenhouse gas inducing objects coming at you or honking madly as you slow down traffic do indeed have front bumpers for a reason.

Tip Two:

A warm, inviting Friday night on the town can also have its hazards. What should be a stroll through the crosswalk of Main Street on your way to a ten-fifty it-better-be-good movie becomes a race for your life, since the signal for pedestrians to walk safely has an average lifespan of about 1.26534 seconds. Perhaps that little green man should be edited, because to me he looks like he’s walking, not sprinting the fifty yard dash. Stop lights are not a mere suggestion for a Lexus or a Mercedes, you are just as obligated to stop as that landscaper truck waiting next to you.

For those who have failed to translate the little sign that reads “Yield to pedestrians”, in English it means “For the Love of God Don’t Hit That Person Crossing The Street!!”

Tip Three:

It is not considered polite or professional to curse and then spit at the young lady or gentleman who made your lunch at one of our many local food establishments, while calling her an idiot because she put iceberg lettuce on your tree bark and tofu sandwich instead of romaine. Think about it, do you REALLY want to eat food that was made or remade by a person who is secretly wishing to hit you with a crow bar? I wouldn’t.

Tip Four:

Have you ever wondered why, after entering a quiet local bar and ordering a tutti frutti razzle dazzle drink that involves being mixed drop by drop, shaken exactly 37 and a half times, poured into a champagne flute and then topped with an umbrella and a three foot yellow twisty straw (Hold the cherry), that you get laughed at and possibly assaulted before the end of the night? That’s because you’ve entered an establishment of normal, average people. If you want something fancy that tastes like pixie sticks, go to one of those places where you have to pay to snort flavored oxygen. You’re the reason why a simple beer in a bottle is a whopping five dollars.

Here’s to another Summer in The Hamptons, and I hope you take these kind words of advice and cherish them, to make this season as happy as the last.

-E

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A woman bellowing loud enough into her cell phone to be heard from the Cooper’s Beach overpriced hot dog stand all the way down to the lifeguard stand. This - the day before July 4th - today.

“No you SOB — I told you I was picking the kids up tonight for the birthday party! “That’s Bullcrap - yes she actually said bullcrap — not the saltier version of the word - maybe just trying to be polite with the hoards of children around her listening to her post-marital bloviating

She goes on and on on what a lowlife, bottom dwelling scum her ex husband is - screeching at the top of her lungs - actually bumps into and nearly knocks over someone else’s child on the way to the parking lot to continue her screech-fest (very considerate) ..and didn’t stop talking as she ignored the child she bumped.

Do people - especially Southamptonites - have a clue they can be overheard on their cell phone. Other overheard LOUD cell phone conversations on the beach — people discussing salaries - multimillion dollar confidential deals — talking trash about easily recognizable people. All thinking they are in the privacy of their home.

Astonished on Coopers….

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I stop in the Hess station the other day for smokes and two women are arguing with the cashier that they are some sort of non profit organization, they don’t have to pay tax for their two cups of coffee. The clerk, will not comply with their demand, and the two women leave the coffee sitting on the counter and storm out.

If these women were really ligit they would have a NY State tax ID number. Then while I am watching this fiasco, another women picks up a 12 pack of Pepsi and walks out the front door with it. I pointed this theft out to the cashier and she just laughs.

What a zoo!

-B

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Shopping for groceries at King Kullen.

First, plant your husband in line.

Then shop.

Then try and push your cart ahead of me to get up to your husband at the front of the line.

Then watch me say, “I’m sorry, the back of the line is there.”

Then try and push anyway.

Then listen to me say, “you know, some other day, I might actually let you break into the line, but not today. I really have to pee.”

-B

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The strangest part about this story is that it happened in the off season - go figure.

My friends and I were enjoying pizza at Fierros in town, when some idiot pulls his Benz up on the sidewalk, thats right, the sidewalk alongside the exit lane to Reutershan lot. He walks in, as if parking on the sidewalk is totally fine. One of the locals, as well as the guys behind the counter start to explain nicely to this guy that he can’t park on the sidewalk, but he ignores them and pays for the pizza he had come to pick up.

A local guy (who was much bigger than the antagonist of this story) starts to get a little aggressive, giving the guy a little grief for his absurd act. The idiot tries to ignore him, then turns to leave and mutters “What are you gonna do about it?” We were all too dumbfounded to speak.

This shows were not safe from idiots like this, even in the off season. I hope he choked on his pizza.

-B

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