Keep Your Chalk Off My Wheels Dude!

I'm a TCO (traffic control officer) in the village of East Hampton and I live here year round. I probably have tons of stories i could post on here but one comes to mind right now. One day at work I was marking Newtown Ln.  (otherwise known as Newton Lane by the tourists) and I marked the tire of a Mercedes. The owner proceeded to come up to me and the conversations went like this....

Owner: "Did you have to do that? I just paid $20 for a car wash."

Me: "Yes I did have to mark your tire"

Owner: "That's ridiculous who told you to mark it?"

Me: "My supervisor"

Owner: "Well that's BS"

At this point I just walked away because I couldn't believe he yelled at me for marking his tire with removable chalk. Aren't your tires made to get dirty?

- Dirty Harry

A Snubbing at Starbucks

Alright, so I'm at the Bridgehampton Starbucks and I'm waiting in line to get my drink, and this woman in a flimsy-looking white sundress that was way too short, complete with large hat and sunglasses proceeds to the counter, completely cutting me off.  I proceed to glare at the back of her head, but I don't say anything. 

While we're waiting for the baristas to finish up what they were doing she turns around and asks me "Did you order?" 

So I say, "No, I'm waiting."  She looks at me for a second then just turns around and stays there.

Then, after I get my beverage I sit down to study and her idiot kid proceeds to run around the store screaming.

Nice.

- HG

Recent Rude Hamptons Feedback

One site can take care of all the rude people...and then some.

http://www.nukethehamptons.com/

-Paul

I live in the Hamptons year round, and every summer we're invaded with tourists! Not all of them are bad, but most are arrogent, rude and impatient. It is impossible driving through town because the summer people are impatient and annoying. It would be so much nicer in the summer without the rude summer
people.

- HS

Above The Law In East Hampton

So I'm driving out of the Reutershan parking lot at the Main Street exit. The exit is clearly marked right turn only as this street gets completely packed during the summer.

There's a TCO (traffic control officer) right there directing traffic making sure pedestrians aren't run down.

A BMW two cars in front of me proceeds to ignore the sign and drives straight across Main Street.

4 lanes of packed traffic!

The TCO starts yelling at the driver. "You can't do that."

The driver just waves and ignores him.

Too bad TCOs can't writing moving violation tickets or shoot to kill.

- Local Driver

Pestilent Man-Child and His Toy Horn

Last night for some unknown, but more than likely important to him, reason a man driving his dark BMW found it necessary to sit on his horn as he drove down Newtown Lane.

Where's a TCO armed with a Tazer when you need them?

- Perplexed

Georgi Vodka Beats Ketel One In Blind Taste Test

As a second job, I work as a Bartender on the weekends for private parties; mostly serving up easy mixed drinks like cosmos and Pinot Grigio to guests who are generally pleasant, friendly and in a good mood. But last Saturday, I bartended for a party that had 2 guests (a couple) who, when they walked into the garden just beamed high maintenance and nasty vibes.......the black cloud over their heads was so visible you could cut through it with a knife. HE: loudmouth balding middle aged man all dressed in white with lots of gold jewelry. SHE: even louder mouth with a voice from hell that cut through the entire party of about 80 guests, and on the cell phone half the time.

HE: Comes up to my bar and asks for Ketel One on the rocks, where I promptly oblige. Then insists it's not Ketel One, even though I poured it straight from the Ketel One bottle in front of him. So I discard drink and pour him another one, again from Ketel One bottle. Still insists it's not Ketel One and slams drink on the bar. I told him to take it up with the host, this is what I was furnished and other people were waiting for drinks, to please step aside. He storms off.

SHE: comes up to the bar shortly after and asks for one of the most expensive reds the host had placed out, in a glass with lots of ice! Even though I raised my eyebrows, I promptly served it to her. She then told me to make her husband another drink and MAKE IT A KETEL ONE THIS TIME. I offered to go into the host's kitchen, where he had another wet bar and backups for us just in case, and told her would absolutely, positively get Ketel One from the Host's own private bar. I went in there and poured the cheap "Georgi" Vodka on the rocks and brought it over to him; he took one sip and said "now that's the right vodka - and from now on goddammit, when someone tells you it's not the real thing you better listen" and "I'm going to tell **** (the host) how difficult you were to deal with"!

PS: Insult to injury: SHE never even drank that expensive iced down red wine, just kept coming back for "freshen-ups". What a crime, this was $400. a bottle wine.

PPS: Further insult: SHE kept coming back to my bar, turning over my clean glasses and discarding her used toothpicks, shrimp shells and cocktail napkins in them like my bar was a garbage dump.

And they wonder why The Locals are "so difficult to deal with".

- Another Local Yokel Trying to Make a Living off Rude Summer People

Indiana Jones and the Quest for the Salad Spinner

My friend and I decided to do some shopping in the town of East Hampton last weekend. We went into the General Home Store and we were immediately bumbarded by the obnoxious owner. I said that I was just looking for a simple salad spinner, because our rental house was lacking one. Instead of bringing me straight to the place where the salad spinners were, he decided to give my friend and I a complete tour of the overly crowded store.

Not only was there tons of merchandise, but there was barely any walking space. When we asked him for a salad spinner, it felt like we were shown every product in the store that began with the letter S.

My friend and I kept exchanging looks like, "What is WRONG with this guy?" After almost a half hour of being dragged around the store, and pushed to buy every product, he finally gave us the salad spinner we were looking for (and on top of all this, it was outrageously overpriced).

This man was the most obnoxious person I have ever met and needs to get a grip and realize he's a terrible salesman.

- ED

Ocean Cellphone Tip

I'm sitting on the beach in Montauk at Gurney's Inn and along comes a woman on her cell phone. She proceeds to stand in front of me blocking my view of the ocean. I understand the beach is free and people can sit and go where they please.

What was so moronic about all of this is she starts yelling into her phone, "I can't hear you, the waves are too loud!"

Here's an idea, walk away from the ocean you citidiot!

- Just trying to relax

Frick and Frack Haze The Starbucks Barista

Every summer my husband and I (and now daughter) take a day trip from our home in Center Moriches to the east end for some beach time, photo opportunities and delicious lobster roll sammies. Last year was no different and part of our trip included an a.m. jolt of caffeine from the Southampton Starbucks. My DH and daughter stayed in the car while I went in and got our drinks. I ordered and went to the counter to receive them when I noticed these 2 men berating the barista while their drinks were being made.

"Is that SOY milk?"

"Did you make that EXTRA HOT?"

Yelling and eye-rolling abounds! I felt so bad for the guy. When they finally got their drinks (and not a thank you to be heard) they stopped at the self serve area. I received my beverages, said my thank you and we shared a momentary I KNOW!! moment about frick and frack.

I wound up leaving the same time as them (and do you THINK they held the door??? Um, NO.) and they saw me getting into our vehicle.

One says to the other. "Look, a Jeep Commander" (they were getting into another Jeep) and the other one goes "Ew, it's an 06!"

Oh, well excuuuuuse us. I'm not sure if they were rude locals or rude tourists but it was just an obnoxious experience to be a witness to.

- LP

How to avoid a Deliverance experience on the backroads

I was driving with my daughter today to meet with our new primary care Dr in Southampton. We're tooling along the back roads to try & save time & avoid traffic. We're making great time for like the 1st half-hour. All of a sudden I see this white car with plastic garbage bags sticking out if it's grille, come zooming up on our butts outta nowhere. The driver and car reminded me of something out of that Beastie Boys video that I can't remember...Sabotage?

Well, we're both watching the side mirrors because he just rides my ass thru all the turns even where there's road construction going on. He would slow down enough to make the road people happy & then floor it right back to my back bumper. By this time, we've both seen "Jeepers Creepers"; and are thinking this is some crazed wacko...we don't dare stop because he's so close.

I wave him on past me so I could get rid of him. God, he seemed so determined to just get wherever the hell redneck crazy wackos hang out in the summer, but he's wearing his Deliverance face & continues to stray over the yellow line & then back on my ass. Fine, follow me all the way to my Dr, but I'm gonna have to hurt you if you hit my car. What a jerk! I felt like Karen Silkwood, waiting to be bumped off the road.

It was more than a little unnerving till I related the story to my honey; he said he knew why we're were being chased down....had to be the Obama '08 bumper sticker. How rude! GO OBAMA '08

- PB

- A simple way to avoid all of this is to cover your Obama sticker with one of our slick RudeHamptons bumper stickers.

Instructions For Weekend Hamptons Drivers

This is a message for all the non drivers that travel on Sunrise (or any other interstate or highway).   I would think people should know this but the left lane is intended for passing vehicles on the right.

At no point ever should anyone stay in the left hand lane.

After you pass someone you get back in the right hand lane. The right side of a vehicle is often considered the"blind spot" .

People shouldn't be passing on the right because it's not as safe as passing on the left.

If you are ever in the left hand lane and someone just passed you on the right.  Take a second; realize that you are the non driver I am referring to and MOVE OVER !!

If you in the left hand lane and you feel someone is tailgating you,  MOVE OVER to the right and realize that you indeed are also a non driver.

-SH

How to get seated faster

My wife and I decided to head to CittaNuova for dinner Thursday night. We sat right near the hostess desk and heard an earful of good times. Most people would not be happy with this table, but we were able to sit quickly and listen to the ensuing fun.

The highlight of the evening was when two women came in and approached the hostess.

"How long for a table?"

Hostess replies nicely, "30-35 minutes."

"Uh, well is there any place else to eat in town?"

Hostess replies nicely, "Well you can walk around, there's Sam's and Rowdy Hall."

"What kind of restaurants are those?"

Hostess again replies nicely as she is busy with real customers, "Italian and American."

Off they go, but right behind them is a couple. He puts their name on the list and is nice to the hostess.

About 10 minutes later the dynamic duo shows back up and asks to put their name on the list. "I'm really hungry."

Hostess, who at this point should tell them they've run out of food, nicely replies, "Sorry, but I can't seat people based on their hunger levels."

They then camped themselves at the gelato case and grabbed a waiter asking if they could have some bread. While this occurred the nice couple who had been behind them on their first visit were promptly seated.

- The Editor

How NOT to ask for directions

Walking down main street in East Hampton (don't ask me why I was dumb enough to even be near the village after Memorial Day.)

I hear honking and then "Hey, HEY!". I turn around and see a BMW, with it's occupants waving at me like they're on fire. I go over to see the emergency and get "What are you, deaf? How do we get to the Maidstone Club?"

After a second of shock I recovered and sent them to Maidstone Park, as far into Springs as possible. They whipped an illegal U Turn and off to Springs they went.

If you ask a local for directions and actually want to get there, ask them nicely.

- L