The Rude Hamptons - Tales of People Behaving Badly In Long Island’s Summer Playground

As a second job, I work as a Bartender on the weekends for private parties; mostly serving up easy mixed drinks like cosmos and Pinot Grigio to guests who are generally pleasant, friendly and in a good mood. But last Saturday, I bartended for a party that had 2 guests (a couple) who, when they walked into the garden just beamed high maintenance and nasty vibes…….the black cloud over their heads was so visible you could cut through it with a knife. HE: loudmouth balding middle aged man all dressed in white with lots of gold jewelry. SHE: even louder mouth with a voice from hell that cut through the entire party of about 80 guests, and on the cell phone half the time.

HE: Comes up to my bar and asks for Ketel One on the rocks, where I promptly oblige. Then insists it’s not Ketel One, even though I poured it straight from the Ketel One bottle in front of him. So I discard drink and pour him another one, again from Ketel One bottle. Still insists it’s not Ketel One and slams drink on the bar. I told him to take it up with the host, this is what I was furnished and other people were waiting for drinks, to please step aside. He storms off.

SHE: comes up to the bar shortly after and asks for one of the most expensive reds the host had placed out, in a glass with lots of ice! Even though I raised my eyebrows, I promptly served it to her. She then told me to make her husband another drink and MAKE IT A KETEL ONE THIS TIME. I offered to go into the host’s kitchen, where he had another wet bar and backups for us just in case, and told her would absolutely, positively get Ketel One from the Host’s own private bar. I went in there and poured the cheap “Georgi” Vodka on the rocks and brought it over to him; he took one sip and said “now that’s the right vodka - and from now on goddammit, when someone tells you it’s not the real thing you better listen” and “I’m going to tell **** (the host) how difficult you were to deal with”!

PS: Insult to injury: SHE never even drank that expensive iced down red wine, just kept coming back for “freshen-ups”. What a crime, this was $400. a bottle wine.

PPS: Further insult: SHE kept coming back to my bar, turning over my clean glasses and discarding her used toothpicks, shrimp shells and cocktail napkins in them like my bar was a garbage dump.

And they wonder why The Locals are “so difficult to deal with”.

- Another Local Yokel Trying to Make a Living off Rude Summer People