A group of customers came into an East Hampton restaurant which allows BYOW (bring your own wine). The patrons brought in two of their own bottles. The server explained that there is a corkage fee.
$28 per bottle.
They consumed their meal and the two bottles of their OWN wine.
Comes check time, they tell the server they don’t want to pay for two corkage fees.
Why?
They didn’t enjoy one of the bottles.
Gotta love it.
No matter how big a guy might be, Nicky would take him on. You beat Nicky with fists, he comes back with a bat. You beat him with a knife, he comes back with a gun. And you beat him with a gun, you better kill him, because he’ll keep comin’ back and back until one of you is dead. - Ace Rothstein in Casino
A working man on a normal mission of delivering his truckload of wood chips had to drive down a shared driveway to the customer. Unfortunately there were three houses sharing this one driveway. At this point the driver wasn’t sure which was the right house. He stopped his truck to find out, during that time one of the homeowners came out and started banging on the truck.
The driver stepped out of his truck and asked what the problem was. The man didn’t like his truck on the shared driveway. It was tearing it up. The driver told him, “Look, I need to drop off these wood chips. Just doing my job.”
The irate man leaves, only to return with a baseball bat with which he started hitting the truck. The driver opened the door holding a tire iron and said, “You want to get rough?”
At this point the man backs off and calls the police. The police then told him wielding bats is not the way to resolve these kinds of situations.
The Editor - I was told this story in a bar over the weekend. What was Batman thinking? Is a yuppie desk worker really any match for a guy who hauls heavy materials and does manual work? Maybe he just finished watching Casino in his home theater.
I live in East Hampton and for some reason people find my driveway a convenient place to stop and talk on their cell phone. This action blocks my egress.
The other day I was driving out to leave and sure enough a lady had pulled up to talk on her cell phone on my driveway.
I decided to walk over and ask this lady why she was parking there. I told her I was just curious as why my driveway is so popular, because many other people use it as well.
Much to my surprise she apologized profusely and I thought that would be the end of it.
About an hour later she returned with a bouquet of flowers. WOW!
She bought flowers to apologize. I was completely shocked and thought this would be a good story to submit showing that not everyone in the Hamptons is rude.
- J
The day Elie Tahari had their grand opening in East Hampton a silver car parked on Pantago Road (Main Street) near my residence. The occupants were dressed all in black.
Black shoes, black pants, black undershirts, and black dress shirts.
They came and went from their car all day long, even though it was one hour parking.
Right before I left for work, I noticed one of the MIB walking back from IGA with bags of groceries.
Upon returning later that night I noticed a box of trash left on the road right where their car used to be. The box was filled with empty Gatorade and beer cans.
I’m not sure if the MIB left the trash behind, but it would seem logical.
- Conspiracy Theorist
Sitting in a popular East Hampton restaurant last night my wife and I got to watch and listen to two obnoxious young men and a young UNDERAGE woman hassle the wait staff and manager about a fake ID.
The young women produced an ID and couldn’t answer a single question about her supposedly valid drivers license. She looked like she was 12. At this point the staff did the right thing and told her she wasn’t going to be served.
I guess the girl was so embarrassed that she left the restaurant, but the men started to hassle the staff even more.
“Do you know who we are?” they asked.
“We came from Westhampton.”
The staff made no reply and kept their composures.
Finally the rude duo left to go to another bar where they thought the would be served.
Did these idiots really think a crowded, popular E.H. restaurant would risk being fined for serving alcohol to them? Besides I can guarantee the rest of the clientèle was relieved to not have to rub shoulders with children on their Saturday night.
- KJ
I was told this story last night while watching the Devon fireworks.
The new linen store in East Hampton was having some type of party or gathering and a lady who normally bikes around town decided to stop in and take a look.
Now from what I’m told she can easily afford to buy what this shop is selling.
She’s browsing the linens and feeling a particular sheet when one of the staff walks up and says something to the effect of, “you know that’s really expensive, you shouldn’t be touching that.”
The lady shopping was so stunned she replied, “I can afford to buy this.”
Please note: these quotes are not verbatim, but the act of judging this shopper based on her dress is rude. Maybe if she drove up on the curb with a Benz or Hummer she’d be allowed to touch the merchandise?
- The Editor
Ah yes, that lovely time of year we call Memorial Day is once again upon us. Here are some lovely tips to our day trippers, weekenders, three or four monthers, etc, as this time of year can surely become rather dangerous to anyone and everyone.
Tip One:
Summer, when a Sunday drive before church becomes an adrenaline-fueled game of chicken with 3-50 bicyclists, riding side by side down our scenic “country” roads. Wearing unflatteringly tight spandex of a plethora of clashing fluorescent epilepsy-inducing colors, they have a tendency to dive in and out of oncoming traffic like crazed deer at the sight of headlights. That double yellow line running down the middle of the road is not intended as a bicycle lane, my friend, and those loud greenhouse gas inducing objects coming at you or honking madly as you slow down traffic do indeed have front bumpers for a reason.
Tip Two:
A warm, inviting Friday night on the town can also have its hazards. What should be a stroll through the crosswalk of Main Street on your way to a ten-fifty it-better-be-good movie becomes a race for your life, since the signal for pedestrians to walk safely has an average lifespan of about 1.26534 seconds. Perhaps that little green man should be edited, because to me he looks like he’s walking, not sprinting the fifty yard dash. Stop lights are not a mere suggestion for a Lexus or a Mercedes, you are just as obligated to stop as that landscaper truck waiting next to you.
For those who have failed to translate the little sign that reads “Yield to pedestrians”, in English it means “For the Love of God Don’t Hit That Person Crossing The Street!!”
Tip Three:
It is not considered polite or professional to curse and then spit at the young lady or gentleman who made your lunch at one of our many local food establishments, while calling her an idiot because she put iceberg lettuce on your tree bark and tofu sandwich instead of romaine. Think about it, do you REALLY want to eat food that was made or remade by a person who is secretly wishing to hit you with a crow bar? I wouldn’t.
Tip Four:
Have you ever wondered why, after entering a quiet local bar and ordering a tutti frutti razzle dazzle drink that involves being mixed drop by drop, shaken exactly 37 and a half times, poured into a champagne flute and then topped with an umbrella and a three foot yellow twisty straw (Hold the cherry), that you get laughed at and possibly assaulted before the end of the night? That’s because you’ve entered an establishment of normal, average people. If you want something fancy that tastes like pixie sticks, go to one of those places where you have to pay to snort flavored oxygen. You’re the reason why a simple beer in a bottle is a whopping five dollars.
Here’s to another Summer in The Hamptons, and I hope you take these kind words of advice and cherish them, to make this season as happy as the last.
-E
