The Rude Hamptons - Tales of People Behaving Badly In Long Island’s Summer Playground

I’m born and bred in East Hampton, but have been living for about a year in rural Nova Scotia. (Where strangers call you “dear,” and always wave other cars into the flow of traffic, and actually smile at you and say “hi” on the sidewalk. Yeah, kind of like people did here 30 years ago….) Anyway, I’ve gotten totally unaccustomed to the insane, insane, blood-pressure-raising rudeness of home.

This morning, I had an encounter with such gratuitous meanness and rudeness that it almost gave me a heart attack! In the past, I’ve often been a customer at a local printing store. (Okay. Guess what? The shop’s name is Montauk Printing. In East Hampton, on the Reutershan parking lot.) This morning, the sun was shining, there were no crowds in town, and I was  in a great mood. Then I went into Montauk Printing to buy some paper.

I walked in, picked up a pack of paper, put it on the counter, and  — in order to free my hand to get at my wallet in my purse — placed a cup of coffee onto the counter top. “GET THAT OFF MY COUNTER” shrieked the owner, leaping towards me. She didn’t say this in any kind of joking way. She didn’t say this in any kind of explanatory way. She said it in the infuriated, correctional tone a prison guard would use when correcting the behavior of a convicted murderer who had put his hand on the prison fence.

Because I’ve become totally unaccustomed to inexplicable, mindless rudeness and meanness, I was very meek and mild and apologetic. “I’m sorry,” I simpered, and took the coffee cup off the counter as quickly as humanly possible. (The coffee cup wasn’t dripping or anything whatsoever. But I guess the owner doesn’t want anything that might potentially leave liquid anywhere near a surface that often holds paper products, right? Unlike in other stores, where it’s considered polite to place drink cups on a counter, out of harm’s way, at Montauk Printing you should automatically know in advance that this is an unspeakable crime.)

The owner then explained that I had picked up the wrong kind of paper. “If you want regular paper, take the one that says ‘Meteor,’ on the shelf behind you, to the right, with blue and black….” So I said, “Oh, good, thanks,” and stepped back to the shelf and put my hand on a blue-and-black packet of paper marked “Meteor.”

“No, not that one!” she barked at me, with inexpressible force and annoyance, “the one on the RIGHT”

I shifted my hand to another packet — also blue-and-black, also marked “Meteor” — right next to the first one, and asked, “This one?” And she barked, with mind-boggling unnecessary nastiness: “THAT’S YOUR RIGHT, ISN’T IT??????”

Oh. My lawrd. Who talks to another human being like this? Much less a customer? I just gave a wry smile and paid and thanked her.

But WTF? If someone had behaved like this in  Nova Scotia, literally, people would think they were, literally, ill, and would be express concern, and would gather in neighborly groups to see if the crazily, inexplicably rude person
perhaps needed a doctor.

- Left for Nova Scotia

I was getting my hair styled this morning at Special Effects, when a lady came in to have her hair blow-dried. She asked how much it would cost and was told $40.

To that she started to complain at the expense, which was greeted with you can always go someplace else.

She decided that she wanted her blowdry and proceeded to sit down in one of wash station chairs.

At this point nobody was ready to wash her hair and another stylist needed the station for her client. She asked her to move nicely and the lady said, “You’ve got to be kidding, I’m not moving and while you’re at it get me a cup of coffee.”

Are you kidding me?

- Paul Mitchell

What is really rude in the Hamptons is the audacity of the prices charged at Round Swamp Farm in East Hampton.

For $ 66.08, I bought 3 tomatoes, 3 small containers of chicken salad, a bouquet of local flowers, and 5 cookies.

Never again !!!!!

- P

It’s widely accepted that Round Swamp isn’t the cheapest place to shop, but much of the product is local - The Editor

No parent should ever, ever experience a complete stranger causing any level of harm to their child, but unfortunately we experienced such an event Thursday, May 21st at Waldbaums on Newtown Lane between 6 and 6:30pm. While checking out my groceries with my daughter in the cart, a lady behind us was behaving oddly, raising her arms up and sighing exaggeratingly since we were taking a while (I had quite the cart full), and my 3 year old was hungry and tired after a long day in the sun, causing her to whine and rub her eyes in a normal, preschooler way.

When my daughter reached over and touched her toilet paper (since the lady didn’t use a divider, my daughter assumed it was ours), the woman snapped and smackes my daughter in the arm by the wrist. Shocked, my child pulled away, holding her arm and staring at her without a word, and chaos ensued as I stepped in and asked her What in the holy hell she was thinking laying a hand my daughter.

Words were exchanged and the manager stepped in to diffuse the situation, and along with our cashier she handled it in an absolutely amazing manner of grace and charm which I am ever so grateful for, keeping my daughter occupied and telling me it will be alright, while I was shaking too hard to even swipe my debit card properly. My husband and I then rushed our children to our truck, but the woman fled before I returned to call the police. All we have now is a desciption of who appeared to be the Crypt keepers Wife in a gaudy black hat with white zebra stripes who possibly lives off of goats blood, has an amazing affinity for toilet paper and a violently predatory urge to hurt children.

I would of (and regretfully should of) kept the woman at the store until the proper authorities arrived, but as a mother, I was so overwhelmed with shock and rage at her actions, I now only regret that I was unable to see her odd behavior before the assault as a warning to protect my child from her in the first place. It’s now 7am the following day and I am still at a loss as visions of my daughter holding her arm and widening her eyes in fear and hurt played through my head all night, though everyone who has so far heard what happened from both myself and others in the store have been amazingly supportive in telling me I restrained myself well, and how as parents they would of retaliated in the same way if not worse. If a cart wasn’t between us we would probably both be eating our breakfast in jail. That is a fact I am sure any parent can relate to.

Moral of the story: Now that Summer has officially begun with Memorial Day Weekend arriving, please, everyone needs to keep in mind what kind of unstable people can appear around here. Even if they claim to of been here all year long people are still able to transform themselves into complete animals at any age. Keep your children close, and if this ever happens to you and your child please, notify the authorities immediately no matter how shocking and enraging it feels. Men and women like her do indeed exist, running loose until they hit the next child and are unable to escape the wrath of the protective parent and police afterwards.

- EM