Archive for the ‘While Driving’ Category

Horny Older Woman In Her Lexus - WATCH OUT

Sunday, September 6th, 2009

This was absolutely the CRAZIEST thing I have ever seen a city driver do (I say city because the car was from Lexus of Manhattan).

I was entering Waldbaums when I heard sustained honking growing nearer. I looked around and the perpetrator came into view. An older woman was driving towards the stop sign (really fast actually) and laying on her horn.

I thought “Perhaps a maniac enemy cut her break lines”…

No.

Not at all… because she did slam on her breaks as she neared the stopped car. This was a Friday afternoon and the car was making a left on Newtown… NOT an easy or quick maneuver.

As she is stopped behing him, she CONTINUES to lay on her horn… which is now causing EVERYONE to stop in their tracks and stare. No one could believe it.

The best part was that the person in front of her got really intimidated so they started trying to inch out… so she (barely) passed them on the right, almost ran over a few pedestrians and turned (STILL HONKING).

Now, where were all of those wonderful EH police officers then?

I get pulled over for doing 35 in a 30!

- K

Idiot moonlighting as crossing guard at Bridgehampton Commons

Thursday, September 3rd, 2009

Driving through the Bridgehampton Commons parking lot, you (obviously) always have to be on the lookout for pedestrians…especially ones who don’t use the crosswalks.

I was driving past Rite Aid and a woman started crossing. Naturally, I stopped for her to cross. Then, she put her hands up like a crossing guard to stop me and started saying something. Confused, I rolled down my window and asked her if she was talking to me…

She says: “You know, pedestrians have the right of way, especially in this parking lot.” In the absolute rudest tone I’ve ever heard! (and I’ve seen a lot of tourists act particularly rude to people out here)

My daughter, who was sitting in the back seat, and I couldn’t stop laughing while she quickly and angrily walked away.

Come on lady! It’s not like I hit you or even got close to hitting you for that matter. The “especially” in this parking lot? is really the part that I found totally ridiculous. Haha, What?!

- Hannah

Directions to Sagg Main Beach

Thursday, September 3rd, 2009

Bonackers ‘givin it back!!!! On Sunday, I witnessed the following exchange on Bridge Lane in Sagaponack:

3 Douchebags in a flashy convertible stop near an old Bonacker and his wife who were crabbing on Sagg Bridge - one of them shouts, “hey, tell us the way to Sagg Main Beach” (by the way, without a “please” or a “Sir, can you help us out”).

Old Bonacker gives them a long drawn-out look and then a snort, and says “OK, first you TURN AROUND AND THEN YOU GO THE HELL BACK WHERE YOU CAME FROM - that’s the way to Sagg Main Beach.”

The look on their faces: Priceless.

Made the end of my Summer!

- Sis ‘Boom Bonacker

Bonac duo to the rescue at the Getty Station

Sunday, August 16th, 2009

The Hampton Jitney story had me thinking, and reminded me of an event that occurred the weekend after Memorial Day.  An event that was so unpleasant I didn’t even want to bother typing it out.

My husband and I went to the Georgica Getty Station to get fuel, and since our truck is a diesel we situated ourselves on the outside pump closer to the road.  A citiot was parked on the inside with a black car that had Manhattan plate frames, and since it was a busy day he obviously got boxed in.  Blocking his way was a small girl with her little car, and she backed in in front of him and an attendant started pumping her gas.

When she backed in, the Citiot was getting ready to leave.. so when he realized he was boxed in he came walking right up to her car and started yelling.

“HOW STUPID ARE YOU? I WANT TO GO AND I WANT TO GO NOW! LET ME OUT NOW, YOU STUPID etc etc” The douche yelled into her window and cursing ensued while the poor girl sat inside her car with her hands over her face. My husband was inside paying for our fuel at the time, but since I saw it I was obligated to climb halfway out of my window and let the fellow know “That girl is a LADY!  And if you continue to speak to her that way I will shove that gas nozzle so far up your (ass) you will be tasting gasoline your entire way home to Manhattan!”

Of course I got the usual “You redneck white trash!  This is none of your business!”  so I replied “It’s ALWAYS EVERYONES business when you are verbally attacking a lady who is only half your age if that.  Act an adult, get in your car, and never show your face here again!”

At that point my husband came out and joined me, and heard my words, looked at the girl, looked at the man, and started walking towards him.  He RAN for his car and locked it up, and the guy behind him actually backed up out of his way
so he could back up and get out of there.

Moral of the story: If you see someone doing someone else wrong, and you know it in your gut.. do NOT hesitate to step in, ever.  Yeah, they’ll curse you out and/or tell you to mind your own business… but too many locals are too passive to stand up for themselves when a tourist/second homeowner/anyone else chooses to bully them. It should never be that way.  It feels scary at first, but the satisfaction that comes afterwards is well worth it, especially when you see the gratitude on the victims face.

Stand up, never let these summer people bully you or anyone else. We locals are not submissive servants, we are all humans. Bonackers built this town and we got nothing in return but pain and aggravation. One person deserves just as much respect and backup as the next, no matter how rich or poor.

- Liz

Stupid Pedestrian Trick in East Hampton

Thursday, August 6th, 2009

Today I was driving Southeast on Newtown.

Traffic was moving, there was a green light and no one in the crosswalk.  As I got to the entrance to the parking lot behind Village Hardware, a woman walks straight out in front of me, and then proceeds to scream at me to slow down because she’s crossing the street!!!

I yelled right back that there’s a “novel invention called the crosswalk” and she should be in it.

She’s glaring at me and tells me that I have to stop for pedestrians - to which I answered “not if you’re not in the crosswalk”.

Seriously???

What IS wrong with these people????

- Gail

New Asshat SUV driving technique spotted in Wainscott

Wednesday, August 5th, 2009

A new and very dangerous driving technique employed by a massive SUV at the stoplight in Wainscott :

SUV is fourth in line at light.

Light turns green.

SUV pulls out of line into left turn lane and floors it and goes straight and becomes first in line of traffic.

Best part of this -  SUV ends up behind huge slow moving truck.

Priceless !

-PS

NEW - Amagansett Drive-Through Safari - Forget Six Flags!

Tuesday, July 14th, 2009

Travelling down Cranberry Hole Road a car of Jersiots stopped short right in front of us, causing my husband (with awesome reflexes) to lock our truck up and turn to the side to avoid hitting them. The windows on the passenger side rolled down and heads and arms crane out with a camera, pointing with the most shocked expressions of absolute, pure joy.

It was our Sunday drive and I was not about to let this ruin my day, so we sat back and waited patiently as they snapped photos into the woods and exclaimed ”THAT’S AMAZING!” for a couple more minutes, and we wondered if they even realized there was a obnoxiously loud turbo diesel truck idling five feet behind them.

Slowly, and reluctantly, the heads sink back into the car and they move on, making us wonder.  What in the world were they looking at?  Did they find the Montauk Monster?  The Camp Hero Beast?  Bill McGintees brain running loose through the forest instead of his head where it’s been missing from for years?

Their glee and wonder at this apparently exotic animal they stumbled over on their Bonac Safari peaked our own curiosity, so my own head stretched out the window when we finally had the chance to drive by ourselves.

“What is it?  What is it?” my husband asks and my reply was more of an “Are You Serious?” type of shock than a truly awed one.

No Montauk Monster, no beast, no brain.

It was a turkey.

A friggin’ turkey.

Do they not have Turkeys in Jersey? If they really wanted to see one I would of been happy to give them the 19 pounder in my freezer.  I personally think they’re a lot cuter without that tiny head and all those feathers, preferably Golden Brown with cornbread stuffing on my Thanksgiving Table.

A. TURKEY.

I loudly Gobbled at it, and hoped my poor attempt at Turkey Language translated to “Get in the woods you damn bird.. you’re amusing the tourists too easily!” At least the gobbling made my hubby giggle, since before that second he looked more ready to make a Golden-Plated-Jersey-Volvo sacrifice to the Poultry Gods.

I hope those folks don’t cause any accidents by stumbling over a rare and elusive Squirrel or even gasp, Bunny. “AMAZING!”?  No, not car accident-worthy amazing.

-EM