The Rude Hamptons - Tales of People Behaving Badly In Long Island’s Summer Playground

Ah yes, that lovely time of year we call Memorial Day is once again upon us. Here are some lovely tips to our day trippers, weekenders, three or four monthers, etc, as this time of year can surely become rather dangerous to anyone and everyone.

Tip One:

Summer, when a Sunday drive before church becomes an adrenaline-fueled game of chicken with 3-50 bicyclists, riding side by side down our scenic “country” roads. Wearing unflatteringly tight spandex of a plethora of clashing fluorescent epilepsy-inducing colors, they have a tendency to dive in and out of oncoming traffic like crazed deer at the sight of headlights. That double yellow line running down the middle of the road is not intended as a bicycle lane, my friend, and those loud greenhouse gas inducing objects coming at you or honking madly as you slow down traffic do indeed have front bumpers for a reason.

Tip Two:

A warm, inviting Friday night on the town can also have its hazards. What should be a stroll through the crosswalk of Main Street on your way to a ten-fifty it-better-be-good movie becomes a race for your life, since the signal for pedestrians to walk safely has an average lifespan of about 1.26534 seconds. Perhaps that little green man should be edited, because to me he looks like he’s walking, not sprinting the fifty yard dash. Stop lights are not a mere suggestion for a Lexus or a Mercedes, you are just as obligated to stop as that landscaper truck waiting next to you.

For those who have failed to translate the little sign that reads “Yield to pedestrians”, in English it means “For the Love of God Don’t Hit That Person Crossing The Street!!”

Tip Three:

It is not considered polite or professional to curse and then spit at the young lady or gentleman who made your lunch at one of our many local food establishments, while calling her an idiot because she put iceberg lettuce on your tree bark and tofu sandwich instead of romaine. Think about it, do you REALLY want to eat food that was made or remade by a person who is secretly wishing to hit you with a crow bar? I wouldn’t.

Tip Four:

Have you ever wondered why, after entering a quiet local bar and ordering a tutti frutti razzle dazzle drink that involves being mixed drop by drop, shaken exactly 37 and a half times, poured into a champagne flute and then topped with an umbrella and a three foot yellow twisty straw (Hold the cherry), that you get laughed at and possibly assaulted before the end of the night? That’s because you’ve entered an establishment of normal, average people. If you want something fancy that tastes like pixie sticks, go to one of those places where you have to pay to snort flavored oxygen. You’re the reason why a simple beer in a bottle is a whopping five dollars.

Here’s to another Summer in The Hamptons, and I hope you take these kind words of advice and cherish them, to make this season as happy as the last.

-E

Share This

The strangest part about this story is that it happened in the off season - go figure.

My friends and I were enjoying pizza at Fierros in town, when some idiot pulls his Benz up on the sidewalk, thats right, the sidewalk alongside the exit lane to Reutershan lot. He walks in, as if parking on the sidewalk is totally fine. One of the locals, as well as the guys behind the counter start to explain nicely to this guy that he can’t park on the sidewalk, but he ignores them and pays for the pizza he had come to pick up.

A local guy (who was much bigger than the antagonist of this story) starts to get a little aggressive, giving the guy a little grief for his absurd act. The idiot tries to ignore him, then turns to leave and mutters “What are you gonna do about it?” We were all too dumbfounded to speak.

This shows were not safe from idiots like this, even in the off season. I hope he choked on his pizza.

-B

Share This

I was in the left hand turn lane to turn off 27 (near the post office). The light was green but there was a lot of oncoming traffic. I was waiting for my turn and just as it occurred, the black truck behind me PASSED me on the left (going over the double yellow into the oncoming traffic lane) and made the turn ahead of me. I just missed turning into him. My shock leaves me wondering where rudeness borders on dangerous.

Oh, I missed my chance and had to wait for 10 more cars before I could go.

-E

Share This

I was driving through the main parking lot behind Walbaums, etc, where painted white arrows clearly mark which direction you are supposed to be driving when heading down the parking lanes. I was carefully headed in the correct direction, when I needed to pass someone who was waiting for a spot. As I pulled around, someone was coming in the other direction, just at the beginning of the lane basically sitting on the arrow pointing towards the back of their car. I tried to tell him he needed to back up so traffic could move.

Instead, he made some gestures, then opened a Hamptons Magazine and sat their and read it while me, and everyone behind me, waited for the other car to pull into the space.

This delayed everyone, just so this guy could ‘win’ by driving in the wrong direction.

What a rude idiot!

-C

Share This

What is it with these Weekenders and Summerpeople that renders them incapable of remaining in their lane when negotiating a left-bending road?

No curved roads in The City or SOTH (south of the highway)?
I live in Northwest Woods and it seems that as soon as summer begins, I have to be on High Alert when I am driving on our beautiful back roads, especially when I am entering a right-bending turn. These nimrods seem to be oblivious that, in addition of other motor vehicles, there are joggers, cyclists, and walkers on these roads. My wife’s most-often used advice/admonishment is if you don’t drive during the week, leave your car home when you come Out East.

-T

Share This

Earlier this week I was driving West on Route 27 into East Hampton. As I approached a red light at the intersection of 27 with Newtown Lane, cars were piling up so I stopped to avoid blocking the left turn for North Main Street.

Once I stop the car behind me proceeds to hold down his horn. Not a beep, or a toot. If I hadn’t looked back I would have assumed he had a heart attack and slumped onto the steering wheel. Not so, he just thought it would be a good idea to bring some gridlock to East Hampton.

Click here to see the view from Google Maps.

- B

Share This

So I was driving West on County Road 39A in the middle of the “trade parade” rush hour at 5:00 PM. The traffic was bumper to bumper. As I was approaching a stoplight I noticed a red Dodge Viper anxiously wanting to merge into traffic from the Omni Health and Racquet Club parking lot. At the time I figured I was running late and I didn’t see the need to let him into traffic, considering I had the right of way anyway. So I passed by him without letting him in. Next thing I know, I see the same Dodge Viper screeching up beside me down the middle turning lane.

He rolls down his window and screams “YOU MOTHER F***ING WHORE!!!”.

Then he spits in my general direction (getting most of the spit on his own leather seats), and cuts me off, merging back into the barely moving traffic. I then get to follow his obnoxious ass through another half hour of bumper to bumper traffic. I can only imagine what this guy would have done if I actually did something wrong!

- Sue

Share This